Thursday, December 30, 2010

Adventure Stories for Naomi

Today Princess Heather's beige cat Camomile makes her first appearance. We begin with Camomile wandering the halls of the castle, bored and with nothing to do. So she ends up in her cat bed and starts falling asleep. The End. Then she hears a huge BANG outside. She runs to look outside the window and sees a 20 foot tall Ogre smashing his way into the castle with his big club.
Camomile races downstairs to see the Ogre smashing and crashing into the kitchen. She peers in quietly to see the Ogre eating all the food. Camomile knows that if she makes one little sound, then the Ogre will eat her too!
"Helloooo, I'm home!" shouts Princess Heather from the front door and just returning from Princess School. Camomile slowly backs away from the kitchen.
"Hey, can ANYONE hear me" yells Princess Heather.
Camomile turns to warn Princess Heather. She sees the Ogre turn his head curiously and say "Huh?"
Camomile races down the hall and jumps into Princess Heather's arms and says "Meow, meow, meow, MMEEEEowwww!"
"Oh hi Camomile! I'm glad to see you too!" says Princess Heather.
"Meow meow meow MEOW MEOW MEEEEEOWWWW!" Camomile tries to warn about the Ogre.
"Yes, I know you missed me today!"
Suddenly the Ogre smashes into the room.
"Arggghhhh!" he yells.
"Ahhhhhhhh!" yells Princess Heather and both she and Camomile run off outside the castle door.
The Ogre chases after them and starts to catch up to them.
At this point I remind Namoi that Ogre's are terrible swimmers and that if they fall into water, they could easily drown.
Both Princess Heather and Camomile head to the backyard where the pool is. The Ogre by this time is only five feet behind them and closing.
Then as Princess Heather dives into a bush, Camomile leaps up onto the diving board and jumps high into the air. The Ogre follows after the airborne cat and unable to stop his momentum, falls right into the pool of water. Camomile lands safely on the other side, while the Ogre slowly sinks into the water.
The King and Queen come out from wherever they had been this whole time and summon the Court Magician to make the Ogre disappear before he drowns. The Magician sprinkles some magic dust and the Ogre fades away, only to reappear at the far, far end of the Great Forest. (It would take 500 years for the Ogre to walk all the way back).
Princess Heather tells how Camomile had saved her life and rewards her with a new cat bed and a big warm hug.
The real End.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

What a night!

Got home at 2:30 AM. Watched TV with J until 3:30. Lights out. 3:40 GZ wets bed and needs changing. 4:00 noisy Mexican neighbours pour out of house and drunken revelry ensues. J calls police twice. 6:30 NR wets bed and needs changing.
As I am getting fresh sheets I hear a scratching in the kitchen, only
to see a raccoon on top of the succah trying to break into the loose
screened kitchen window. Cut my hand trying to whack the raccoon off of
the succah with a broom. Bleed all over until I can find suitable
bandages. Go back to bed with throbbing finger until 8:0
...0, when GZ
comes in asking for breakfast.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Try not to kill the children

Night two of taking care of the Littles by myself and they are in their bedroom, singing and laughing like a pair of drunken sailors on shore-leave. What can I do to make them calm down and sleep? Other than take their pillows away for two minutes over and over again, I don't know....

Sunday, August 22, 2010

From the bottom of a five year olds heart

At my birthday party today, Naomi hugged me very tightly and whispered in my ear "I love you so much!"
Talk about unbridled emotion!!!

"I don't know why I do it, but I like it!"

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is described by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. People who have it may appear very stubborn. Temper tantrums, stealing, bullying, and vandalism are some of key symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder. ODD children may present as negative, defiant, unable to take "no" for an answer, deliberately annoying others, easily annoyed themselves, or blaming others for all that goes wrong.[1] The child's behavior often disrupts the child's normal daily activities, including activities within the family and at school. [2]

Monday, August 16, 2010

Abba, Abba

The latest cute thing the Littles do these days is when they are trying to get my attention, they say "Abba, Abba... Mr. MacLeod?"
I'm usually ready to listen to whatever they say by then.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Whizzing in the Park

At the park on Shabbos, my two year old Gavriel Zev came up to me saying, "I want to go home."

For him that is code for "I want to go home, in order that I may make use the bathroom facilities". Instead, I thought it would be better to go behind the little shack in the middle of the park. It's private and convenient (for me).

So I carefully removed his shorts and underpants and positioned him carefully so he wouldn't drip on himself in any way. Then just as the pee started, my tie somehow jumped in the way, right in line of where GZ was pointing. Suddenly I had a big, unexplainable wet spot at the bottom of my tie.

What was I going to do now?

For the next hour half I went off to play with GZ with my back turned towards the other parents in the park. By then the Sun had naturally dried the dark, wet spot to a hardly noticable faintness.