Thursday, December 29, 2011

Parshah of the Week: Vayigash

parshas vayigash 5772
The Midrash Says:  "May you live forever!"    Yaacov's blessing was fulfilled.  Serach was still alive in King David's time and was one of the righteous people who were taken to Gan eden alive.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Parshah of the Week: Vayeitzei

parshah vayeitzei 5772
The  Midrash Says: Her answer implied, "Just as you acted deceitfully leshaim shamayim, for Hashem's sake, knowing that this was the correct step to take, so did I" 

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Parshah of the Week: Toldos

parshah toldos 5772
The Midrash Says: Rivka knew of Aisav's evil plans against Yaacov through a Divine prophesy.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Parshah of the Week: Chayei Sarah

parshah chayei sarah 23_1 

From The Midrash Says:
Satan, frustrated because he had failed to achieve victory over either Avraham or Yitzchak, appeared to Sara.  "Where is Yitzchak?" he asked her.
"He left with his father to study the laws of sacrifices" answered Sara.
"That is not true;  Yitzchak himself is the sacrifice!" Satan contracted.
"I don't believe you!" exclaimed Sara.
Even though Sara tried not to believe Satan, she was somewhat affected by his words.  She therefore left her house and hurried to the abode of Achiman, Shaishai and Talmai, three giants who lived in Chevron, requesting, "Please look into the distance as far as you can see.  Do you notice anywhere an old man accompanied by his son and two servants?"

Corresponding to Sara's six screams, we are commanded to blow six tekiyos - uninterrupted shofar sounds - on Rosh Hashanah.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Parshah of the Week: Vayeira

parshah template 19;17
From The Midrash Says:
Both Rafael and Gavriel took Lot's hand and that of his wife and his two righteous daughters and pulled them away from the city.
Lot left penniless.  This was his punishment for having settled in S'dom for material reasons.
"Escape for your life!" the angels warned Lot and his family "Be happy that your life is spared and forget about your money!  Do not look back because Hashem's shechina will descend upon the city!"

Friday, November 4, 2011

Parshah of the Week: Lech Lecha

parshah template 12;17 
From The Midrash Says:
The plague was so severe that even the walls of Pharaoh's palace showed the symptoms of the boils.  Hashem said to the angels, "The events of this night are a precedent for future events.  Just as Pharaoh was smitten now on account of Avram and Sarai, so will Pharaoh and the egyptians be plagued in the future and then the Bnei Yisrael liberated from the Egyptian yoke.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Parshah of the Week: Noach

parshah template 7;11
From The Midrash Says:
The reshaim had claimed, "As soon as we see Noach enter the ark, we will bring axes and smash it!"   Said hashem,"I will show you that you will be unable to prevent him from entering!"  Hashem surrounded the ark with lions, and no one was able to touch it.

Monday, May 2, 2011

New Family Prime Minister

Coincidentally, we held our family elections tonight to see who would be the new Family Prime Minister. (We poll family and friends) For more about it, see:
And the winner for 2011 is.... Gavriel Zev (age 3.5) with 5 votes

Takes the Cake

One day Princess Heather went into the kitchen and she saw this giant cake with a hole in it. She crawled inside to explore and when she did, someone sealed up the hole behind her with icing.
Suddenly the cake started to move as it was wheeled down a hallway with Princess Heather riding along inside. Then she heard the sound of a thousand people talking. It was like she was brought into a giant roomful of people or something.
Then a little man with a giant cutting knife approached the cake and started to cut into the cake. Princess Heather saw the knife tip cutting in and she yelled in a muffled voice, "Hey, stop that cutting, there is someone inside here!"
The whole room went silent and Princess Heather then said, "could someone get me out of here?"
The man with the knife carefully cut around the top of the cake, accidentally cutting a little of Princess Heather's hair off and he opened up the top of the cake. Princess Heather climbed out with cake icing all over her body and in her hair and on her lips, which she was licking off.
"Hey, what's going on here?" she asked.
"We're having a surprise birthday party," replied the little man with the knife.
"Who's birthday is it?" Princess Heather wondered.
"Uh, it's yours of course." he said.
"Wow, that is surprising!"
And then everyone in the audience applauded and got into line to get the first piece of cake.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


One time Princess Heather and Princess Isabelle were just playing in Princess Heather's bedroom, when all of a sudden a wicked witch came in the window and offered the girls a drink from her poisoned glass of water.
Princess Heather said, "Sure, I'm pretty thirsty right now," and she took a big gulp. Glug glug glug.
Princess Isabelle was a little dubious about drinking anything offered from such a wicked looking witch, but since Princess Heather drank it, then she would also. Glug glug glug.
Once they both drank the poisoned water, they both instantly lost all their memories and forgot everything they ever knew in their lives.
The witch went back out the window cackling evilly and went away.
Princess Heather looked at her friend and said, "Say, who are you?"
"Hmmm, I was just about to ask that same question!" replied Princess Isabelle.
"Wow, what a coincidence, we should be best friends!" Princess Heather offered.
"Okay, that sounds like a great idea!" Princess Isabelle agreed.
So the two new friends walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where the King and Queen were just having some morning coffee.
"Good morning Princess Heather, good morning Princess Isabelle!" said the King proudly.
"Who is he talking to?" Princess Heather asked her friend.
"I think he means us," Princess Isabelle said, "we must be real Princesses!"
"We ARE?" Princess Heather yelled.
And then they both jumped up and down for joy at the idea that they were real Princesses.
"What's with you girls today?" the Queen wondered quizzically.
"What's with us? You mean, what is this room?"Princess Heather asked, "and why is there food all over the place?"
"Uh, because this is the... kitchen!" the King answered hesitantly.
"Kitchen? What a weird word," Princess Isabelle laughed.
Princess Heather went over to the refrigerator and opened the door.
"What is this box thing and why is it so cold inside?" Princess Heather frowning as she slammed it shut.
"It's called a... refrigerator!" the King answered even less uncertain now.
Princess Isabelle ran to the window and pointed up at the sky.
"Hey, what's all that blue stuff up there, it's pretty, "Princess Isabelle yelled with new found joy.
"Um, that's the sky," the King answered truly confused.
"I think something is wrong with the girls, " the Queen said
"I'll call the doctor," the King groaned.
Five minutes later the doctor arrived slightly out of breath.
"I must first examine the girls to see what is the problem," the doctor said.
"Stick out your tongue," he said to Princess Heather.
"What's a tongue?" she asked.
"This thing right here," the doctor demonstrated sticking out his tongue, "sthithk out yurrr tongue-cke like dissss!"
"Ahhh" said Princess Heather sticking out her tongue.
"Okay, you Princess Isabelle," the doctor turned to the other girl," put both thumbs in your ears and wiggle your fingers like this.
Princess Isabelle did it and so did Princess Heather. Then they laughed.
"Stop laughing!" the doctor ordered, "Medicine is serious business!"
"So doctor," the Queen wondered," what is wrong with them?"
"It's obvious," he replied," they have completely lost their memories. Perhaps they both drank water from a witch's glass, yes girls, is that what happened?"
"I don't remember," said Princess Heather.
"Neither do I," added Princess Isabelle.
"Anyway, what can we do about this terrible problem, doctor?" asked the King.
"Have them drink a glass of milk," the doctor said simply, "the chemicals of the milk will nullify any magic the witch's poison water had on them."
"Quick, someone get me two glasses of milk for the Princesses!" the King screamed.
In moments, the kitchen staff brought two perfect glasses of milk and presented them before the two Princess'.
"Here girls," the doctor said proudly, "drink this and you will be cured instantly!"
"Ewww, I'm not drinking that!" Princess Heather shouted, "who drinks a weird white liquid? That's so weird!"
"Yeah, that's strange!" Princess Isabelle agreed.
"But it's just milk!" the doctor sputtered.
"No way," said Princess Heather.
"Yeah, no way," Princess Isabelle concurred.
"What do we do?" the King panicked.
"No need to worry," the doctor confided, "just give them the milk in another form that they will ingest."
"Like what," asked the King.
"How about pancakes?" the Queen offered.
"Hey, that's a good idea," the King said excitedly, "especially if they have blueberries in them, which are Princess Heathers favorite pancake!"
So ten minutes later, the kitchen staff brought out a big stack of pancakes.
"Here girls," said the King with great relish, "eat some of these delicious blueberry pancakes and you will regain your lost memory!"
"Ewww, why are you pouring that brown liquid onto those little round brown things,"Princess Heather asked, "that looks so terrible!"
"And what are those little blue things in the middle," Princess Isabelle asked, " I refuse to eat it!"
"But that is maple syrup I'm pouring onto the blueberry pancakes and, and..." the King started, " oh no, not again!"
"Can we somehow make the food look more palatible?" asked the doctor.
"How? By covering it with chocolate?" the King replied in desperation.
"Why not?" said the doctor.
Fifteen minutes later, the kitchen staff brought in some flat, chocolate covered pancakes and placed them in front of the Princess'.
"Ewwwww," they both cried, " no one eats brown gooey blobs, do they?"
"Oh no, what are we going to do?" the King was apoplectic.
"I have no more ideas, sorry Mr. King," and the doctor sulked away.
"Girls, girls," said the Queen," at least try a taste of the chocolate. You might like it!"
Both girls took a chocolate covered Blueberry pancake, closed their eyes tight and took one little lick of the yummy chocolate.
"Hey, we like it!" they both smiled.
And suddenly their memories returned and all was well in the Kingdom once again.
The End.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Viola and the magical wish making piano

(this is a story that i'd forgotten that i had written)

One day, the King and Queen asked Princess Viola to help them pick the nicest princess in the whole Kingdom. Because Viola had a magic piano that could grant any wish, they decided to hold a contest to see which princess had the nicest wish and then she would be granted that wish.

So all the princess were asked to write their wishes on a piece of paper and then put it into a large glass bowl. Viola pulled out the first wish and read it:

“My name is Princess Jill and I wish for a really big mirror to look at myself in. I’ve already got a small mirror but I want a really BIG ONE to look at myself with!”

Next Viola read: “My name is Princess Slumber and I would like a giant bed to sleep in all day long!”

Next: “My name is Princess Hilly and I would like a new dog named Billy. I already have a dog named Bob, so when I call them I would say “BILLY BOB, come here!”

Next: “My name is Princess Penny and I would like a pencil and piece of paper. I might draw on it or I might do nothing with it!”

Next: >My name is Princess Chewy and I would like half a chocolate bar.”

Next: “ My name is Princess Merry and I would like to go to bed now.”

Next ; “My name is Princess Olivia and I wish my lost cat Snuggles would come home.”

So Viola pulled out her magic piano and played the magic song that makes wishes come true –

“Oh Susanna, oh won’t you cry from me, well I come from Alabam-y with a banjo on my knee.”


The cat reappears and Princess Olivia asks Snuggles “where were you?”

“What, you were sleeping in the kitchen this whole time? Argh.:

(The end and much revision is needed here)

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Screaming Teenagers

Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers, Screaming teenagers....

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Princess Heather goes to the bathroom

Here is a story that Naomi laughed all the way through, but didn't really like, so she said.
"It's gross!" she yelled when I got to the part about making on the toilet.

Princess Heather woke up one night at three in the morning wanting to go to the bathroom. The only problem was that the bathroom was 300 yards from her room and she didn't think she could make it there in time. So what did she do?
She climbed down from the top of her bunkbed, walked over to her dresser and pulled out the magic wand from the last story. She waved the magic wand and poof! There suddenly appeared a bicycle.
She hopped on the bike and rode all the way down to the bathroom, getting there just in time to make her pishy!
Then she got on the bike again and rode back to her bedroom.
When she got there, she suddenly realized that she had forgotten to wash her hands.
So she jumped on the bike and rode allll the way back to the washroom and washed her hands.
Then she rode allllllll the way back to bed. When she got back, she realized that she forgot to flush the toilet. So she rode alllllllllllllllllll the way back to the bathroom and flush the toilet. Then allllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way back she rode her bike. When she got to the bedroom, she forgot to turn off the bathroom light, so she rode alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the wa back to the bathroom, turned off the light then headed allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way back to beroom again.
When she got back, she remembered that she wanted a drink of water, so back on the bike and then alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the wa to the bathroom for one little sip of water from a glass, then allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way back to her room.
Once back in her room, she wondered if she wanted to wipe the bit of water from her chin, but decided not to bother and went to bed.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tonights Princess Heather Story

One day it was Princess Heather's birthday, so Princess Isabelle decided to make her a birthday cake. So she went into her kitchen and threw all the ingredients into a big bowl. One cup of flour, one cup of sugar, one cup of milk, one cup of cocoa powder, and so on. But there was a small problem. As Princess Isabelle put the ingredients into the bowl, she also accidentally put in a cup of magic powder that was just laying around. So when she baked the cake, there was magic inside of it and if anyone ate the cake, there was no telling what would happen to them!
So, the party started and Princess Heather arrives and was surprised to see all her princess friends had come to her birthday party. Besides her dearest friend Princess Isabelle, there was also Princess Honey, Princess Lily and Princess Scarlett at the party.
After singing "Happy Birthday to you" the princess's all came to the table to cut and eat the cake.
When Princess Scarlett ate her piece of cake, poof! she turned into a little frog, ribbet!
When Princess Lily ate her piece of cake, poof!she sprouted fairy wings on her back, flap flap flap!
When Princess Honey ate her piece of cake, poof!she shrunk to the height of one inch tall, shrink!
When Princess Isabelle ate her piece of cake, poof! a beautiful unicorn appeared beside her and kiss her cheek, smooch!
When Princess Heather ate her piece of cake, poof! a magic wand appeared in her hand.
When she saw what had happened to Princess Scarlett, she waved her wand and poof! Princess Scarlett turn back from a frog to a normal person again, whew!
When she saw what had happened to Princess Lily, she waved her wand and poof! Princess Lily's fairy wings disappeared, oh darn it!
When she saw what had happened to Princess Honey, she waved her wand and poof! Princess Honey grew back to normal height, whew!
When she saw what had happened to Princess Isabelle, she waved her wand and.... "What a second!" yelled Princess Isabelle, "I want to keep my unicorn!"
"Oh, that's fine," she Princess Heather.
And they all lived happily ever after.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Things I like to do that really make no sense #002

Another thing I like to do, this time with the five year old, is to grab her in a bear hug swaying and sing "Mull of Kintyre, oh mist rolling in from the sea, my desire...." whenever she get annoying.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Things I like to do that really make no sense #001

I like to hold up my three year old high in the air and sing
"I want to fly like an eagle to the sea,
fly like an eagle, let my spirit carry me".
(and I don't even like Steve Miller)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Great Parenting Technique #32

While you help one child (age 15) on the computer, you absently let a three-year-old sit on your lap and crumble bits of Playdough into the keyboard.
The Playdough coming from a prized sculpture that a third child (aged 5) labored over for a long time and will be crushed once she realizes the 3 year-old destroyed her much admired "dinosaur".

Sunday, January 9, 2011

New Stories on the Spot

Already Naomi has grown tired of the dozen or so stories of Princess Heather and her cat Camomile and has been begging for stories about my life before she was born. (Gavriel Zev, being only three still likes the simple versions of the Princess Heather stories I tell him that usually involve someone either eating too much or someone falling into something icky.)
A couple of the stories for Naomi have been short, plotless affairs, such as how we picked out her name when she was born. (I picked the Naomi part and Jennifer picked the Rivka part) or high drama, such as how Naomi was unexpectedly born in our apartment and then fifteen minutes later I was alone with her on the sofa holding a fragile new baby, yikes!
I have to admit, I do miss telling Camomile stories. I've got a good one ready to go about how she stops a couple evil witches from casting the Sleeping Beauty spell on the entire kingdom in order to steal all the children, even our precious Princess Heather and her friend, Princess Isabelle.
The ending for it is classic!